Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
