i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
