im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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