i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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