she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
