You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
