I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Small penises have feelings too.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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