My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
should my penis look like a turkey
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
