So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
