Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
