I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
