Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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