I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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