He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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