can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
