Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize