I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
