I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
