im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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