if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
