He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
