How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
