someone threw a dead crab at me
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
