Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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