its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize