DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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