i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Randomize