He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
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