Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
