What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Randomize