Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
