Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
