so explain again why im purple
no
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
