I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
