I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
