i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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