i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
