Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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