I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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