is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
