Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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