party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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