dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
