please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
