i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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