If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
