Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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