I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
