Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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