Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
