your thong is hanging out like whoa
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize