woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I need moral support for this bender
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
