nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
