WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
