Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
