DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
