this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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