i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
