Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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