He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
