Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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