i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
This is classic penis vs brain.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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