if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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