eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize