I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Dignity is for republicans.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
