If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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