My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
