Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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