So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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