Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
