It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
