If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
i need some magic done to my vagina
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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