You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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