Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
