Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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