she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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