shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
